With three marriages between us, we thought we knew what it would mean to get married.
Turns out, it’s been full of surprises.
People ask me if it’s different now.
Because we’ve been together for 7 years, marriage felt like the logical next step. Not one I undertook lightly of course but nevertheless, terrain I thought I had a handle on.
Given the investment of a wedding, my Aussie man only half-jokingly wondered why we couldn’t just have some beer and a barbie.
But we knew this was going to be bigger than us and that it needed a container substantial enough to hold its potency.
And “potent” turned out to be an understatment.
There was the honey glow of the setting sun and later, the luminous light of the full Equinox moon sparkling on the pond. The candles flickering in gold glass on ivory linen.
The music from the strings of the violin as my daughter debuted the wedding song she composed just for us. The sound of one and all weeping with the beauty of it.
The story of the first time ever I saw his face and years later the epiphany that I was all in, done holding anything back.
Hearing my shaking voice say,
“I think of myself as quite the woman of heart, but I am humbled time and again by the way you love me and how that pushes the edges of what my heart thinks she can hold.”
The unapologetic current of passion zinging back and forth between us. His hilarious vow to never cease “grabbing my ass with gusto.” Those timeless moments when our mouths finally melted into the bliss of our first kiss as husband and wife.
The holding and witnessing of our beloved, power-packed community, each of them infusing our wedding rings with their blessings as they passed from hand to hand. The amplification of the energy through their fierce presence as they took up the sacred task of being guardians of this epic love throughout time.
The stepping fully into this ancient role called “bride” and being the queen undisputed. Surrendering to the living goddess within, adorned, adored and sanctified. Receiving the intensity of the gaze, all eyes on Her. To stand tall, carry the bouquet, claim Her sexy, obey Her radiance and cherish the vulnerability of Her tears.
To let go and trust the many sisters and brothers who loved us enough and were inspired by our vision to execute it beyond our finest imaginings. Who took up hundreds of details, from arranging the flowers to scraping the dishes, because they just wanted a hand in making the magic.
My former husband, dear friend to us both, who gave an emotional and courageous speech blessing this union. The tangible healing that rippled across the gathering as the three of us held each other and declared our commitment to being family.
So how is it different?
It feels early to put it into words but it’s as if there’s a whole new fabric being woven. They say things happen in 7 year cycles. If so, then the wedding was a culmination, a graduation, an initiatory gateway into something brand new.
I thought I knew all about love. But I find I’m a beginner again. Like I’m suddenly on the inside of a membrane that I didn’t even know I was on the outside of. I can tell you that it’s tender, precious and delicious in here.
The Fiercely Independent One is softening, relaxing her vigilance, realizing she doesn’t have to have all the answers.
What does this sharing bring up for you?
Perhaps you are married and find yourself somewhere on the spectrum between ecstasy, boredom, reinvention or dissolution.
Perhaps the marriage you are exploring has to do with union with your own soul’s truth, the temple of your body or your sacred work in the world.
Although yours may not look anything like my version in white lace, I share my wedding story with you as a co-conspirator in love, a sister warrior of the heart.
Because in these times of such senseless violence with so many in our human family losing their sanity to the disease of hatred, it is not just our privilege but our sacred task to be a stand for union. Inside and out. To be an anchor for the pleasure, passion and evolutionary wisdom of Shakti, our sacred feminine life force.
For She is me. And She is you. We are the lovers, mothers and leaders of a world that we not only know is possible but we are creating. Together. Right now.
And so it is, dear sister. And so it is.
Photo Credit: Ken Schlussel, Darren Chan