A coaching client reached out recently with this question:
“I have been single for a very long time and, while I don’t experience loneliness and fully enjoy my solitude, I notice that occasionally, I will get hit pretty hard with a very specific craving for masculine attention. A longing to feel desired, wanted, attractive, and not just in a sexual way but in a more general sense of reflection back as a woman. How do I address this in a
responsible way and deal with that hunger when it arises?”
In my opinion, this craving is healthy and normal. We know who we are mostly because of mirroring and being in relationship with others. Where it can get tricky is when we judge it as wrong, push it away, force it into the shadows where it can leak out in less conscious ways. So bravo for paying attention to and honoring the need arising.
Next, it’s good to remember that needs are just that needs. We can get them met consciously or unconsciously.
So look for ways to befriend this need on your own. Let this part of you speak about what she’s wanting and why. You can speak out loud to a mirror use this question as a writing prompt in a journal. Better understanding the need will help you address it in a healthy way.
Also look for ways you might want to get support. Ideally find some male friends, or some strong masculine energy that feels safe so you can be open about exploring this. See if you can actually ask for this kind of attention. I know it can feel scary and risky but it can also be so liberating.
Or find a trusted, shame-free space to speak openly about this so you can better understand your truth. I would be honored to be your coach in this domain.
There is tremendous Shakti living in our desire, sexuality, enjoyment of attention. As a daughter of the Divine Feminine, “She Who Cannot Be Contained,” we are made of erotic life force that isn’t predictable and is often complicated. That’s what makes it exciting, transformational and tricky too.
So it’s important to give yourself lots of compassion for navigating this the best that you can. Remember that you don’t have to do it perfectly. It’s a practice and that includes gathering some data, getting some feedback, and finding your alignment.
The sacred feminine is beauty incarnate. She loves to recognized particularly by the sacred masculine, just as a blossom loves to be recognized by the busy bee.
It’s less about gender and more about the energy of yin and yang, masculine and feminine as the great erotic co-creative energies of life. That life-giving dance happens regardless of gender or even sexual orientation. So the desire for attention may really be a longing for creative life force and attraction is part of that.
By being open, curious, connected to your heart and playful with your desire, you are being a living embodiment of Shakti.
~ Lisa Schrader
Photo Credit: JD Mason on Unsplash