I’m finally emerging from this period of silence to connect with you again. I’ve been quietly birthing my new podcast, SheSource, and sharing very little about it. And feeling so weird about that. Why do I do this, when I know we were never designed to give birth alone?
It’s because it freaks me out to share my creations. Which is so stupid because I’m creating them for you, creating them so they hopefully make a difference. After all, it’s what I’m on the planet to do. (Why did I sign up for this job?!)
I want to be clear: I suffer from the same bullshit voice that probably torments you. In case you feel like you are suffering alone, I’m putting my mess out here, for you to see.
“Is it good enough? What if they don’t like it? What if they judge it, or me as the creator of it?” But perhaps worst of all – “What if no one even cares?”
Maybe all this angst is just me, totally self-absorbed, asleep at the wheel, ass hanging out… again.
But I’ve got a hunch that you get it. Inside you there is likely a dream, book, podcast, business, painting, burlesque dance, gospel song, or some other project that strikes terror in your heart while it also makes you giggle with delight.
So we’re probably both wrestling with these demons of self-doubt.
Maybe you do what I do: compare yourself to people you admire, colleagues and friends who are birthing their brilliant stuff into the world. They seem to have it under control, with twice the following, way more money, bigger huevos, heaps more courage and commitment.
And when you compare yourself, you hear a chorus in three part harmony of: “I’m not HER, I’m not ready, I’m not there yet, I’m not smart enough, I don’t have enough support, I’m not experienced enough…” yadda yadda.
Maybe you’re even comparing yourself to me that way right now. Thinking “Lisa’s got it all figured out….” HA HA! I hope you’re laughing out loud with me right now.
Here’s what I want to share with you in this moment: I’m pretty sure this feeling NEVER goes away.
For my own sanity, I choose to believe it gets a bit easier. But let’s get real. There’s no rainbow and butterfly future where everything is perfect – where you suddenly believe you’re smart and confident enough that the PROCESS of birthing something comes without contractions, blood, sweat and tears.
Fifteen years ago, a dear sister who adores me, believes in my work, and is irresistibly persuasive, encouraged me to create my first women’s retreat. She assured me how much fun it would be, that she would help, and that we could do it at her house.
But even with her loving support, it was a perfect recipe for a major meltdown. I was a basket case of raging anxiety, utter overwhelm and imposter complex (“I don’t know what I’m doing!”). I almost quit and cancelled the whole thing, several times.
When the big day came, about 50 women showed up. They loved it and I had a blast leading it. What I didn’t know at the time was that one of the women there would initiate a series of miracles that would land me as the first teacher of Tantra on Oprah just a few months later.
(But that’s another story… If you want to hear it, check out Episode 1 of the SheSource Podcast.)
So even though everything turned out, it was quite a wringer getting there. Author and Coach Maria Nemeth has a great name for this process: “Trouble at the Border.”
Trouble at the Border is what happens, inevitably, when we take our sparkly dream out of the luminous field of possibility and begin the process of manifesting it here on earth. We get bogged down with financial limitations, over-complicated technology, and self-esteem devouring gremlins.
We fly around with our gorgeous dream until we get to the border. There some humorless guy in a uniform is demanding documentation and asking stern questions about feasibility plans and qualifications. Our uplifting joy of creation grinds to a halt in the density of “reality.”
All of a sudden a million obstacles appear and our courage starts looking for the escape hatch. The Doubter arrives with her posse of mean girl self-esteem trashers in tow. ”Really? You? Are you, like, kidding me? As if anyone who is even sorta cool would come to your party.”
But here’s the thing: Trouble at the Border is inevitable. Predictable. And this may surprise you: It’s a GOOD sign. What if it’s not a problem, or a stop sign, or a reason to retreat? Yes, it takes some negotiating. But it’s also a test of faith.
Are you gonna put on your big girl panties and persevere? Are you gonna get support so you’re not alone in the soupy mess? Are you gonna remember your resources? Your wings, your magic cape, your angels and allies?
It’s the heroine’s journey, sister. It would be a boring story if there weren’t some obstacles to overcome, some dragons to vanquish.
So let me share with you my little formula for breaking down Trouble at the Border into some bite sized pieces, so you can keep nourishing your dream to fruition:
- Perspective: Think of something you already accomplished that once felt impossible. Get that creation isn’t new to you or separate from you or beyond you. Pause for a couple of breaths right now and really appreciate what you’ve created in the past. What did trouble at the border look like then? How long did it last? How did you move through it? What resources did you draw upon? What did you learn about yourself?
- Name it: You’ve got all kinds of things flying around in the land of possibility, but in this moment, pick one to play with that feels most sparkly, maybe the one that your heart loves the most. What dream would you love to see materialize?
- Locate Yourself: Where are you, right now, with this dream? Is it just starting to materialize from the ethers? Or are you at the border with it now? Is it already manifesting, growing, struggling for life in the world of form? Are you traveling back and forth across the border? Or have you starting looking for permanent lodging in the border town because you can’t see a way back or forward?
- Right Direction: What action do you need to take? But wait… let’s not ask your poor head to figure that out. Instead bring the question into your Shakti – your sacred body, heart and soul as a woman. Let your body have a vote about the action so that it both inspires and relaxes you. Remember that the feeling of fear is an essential spice in the recipe of excitement. Allow your heart to illuminate the most loving path. And allow your soul to show you how to trust what is true for you, even if you don’t know the “how” and even if there is no control to be had or success to be guaranteed.
- Authentic Action: Knowing what you now know, what are 1 to 3 specific steps you are willing to take to support the birthing of this desire? By when will you do them? And how will you be accountable to that?
I’ve just gone through this difficult, beautiful, illuminating process myself. And now here we are talking about it together. And I’m so grateful.
It’s never been more critical for us to stay connected to our source as women. Much of society remains hell bent on suppressing our feminine super powers of love, intuition, eroticism, embodiment, and the very earth of us. Determined to keep us distracted and asleep with fears about money, survival, being worthless, fat, unwanted, not this or that, not ENOUGH ever…
It’s critical we stay connected to our sources of nourishment, to places that remind us of our authentic feminine power. I created the SheSource podcast to be just such a wellspring.
I invite you to pour yourself a glass of wine or brew yourself a cup of your favorite tea, and relax a while with me. Let yourself just breathe, feel and receive the warm honey of my voice reminding you of what you may have forgotten–how magnificent you are, how infinitely supported you are, as a woman awakening.
Did I mention it’s totally free?
Maybe it’s time to get yourself into a tribe. You’re ready to get connected with other women who are committed to this thing called Shakti. Other women who are lovers, mothers and leaders, building their businesses, embracing their sensual aliveness, practicing loving even bigger than they already are.
If you’re ready for more of these teachings, a monthly structure to support your progress, and a sisterhood to remind you you’re not alone in all this–then Shakti Oasis beckons.
And maybe for you, your body is vibrating right now. You hear me singing your song. You know it’s time to stop struggling and just reach out for some expert support. It’s time for us to talk, you and me, one on one. It’s time to get out of that border town, move forward, and take a step in the direction of breakthrough.
It would be my joy to support you with that! No ongoing commitment necessary. Just one breakthrough session for first timers. A full 50 minutes by phone, just the two of us. To help you say “Yes,” I’m offering your first session at more than half off my standard coaching rate.
Let’s do it sister! Book it now or learn more.
With blessings and so much love to you,
~ Lisa
Photo by Oliver Sjöström on Unsplash
